October 30th – Today was one of the longest days I have experienced in a long time. It was tech weekend for Hideous Progeny which was to be expected but I did not expect what actually happened today. A couple of weeks ago I found out my grandfather was getting put into a home because of his Alzheimer’s. A couple of days ago I found out that he was being put in hospice. My mom told me it could be months or it could be weeks before he would go and I was okay with that. This morning around 6:45am I got a call from my dad. He told that as of 6:15am my grandfather had passed away. I didn’t really react I said okay and said goodbye and I love you. For the next hour and a half I didn’t do anything. I laid in my bed and stared at the ceiling. My entire world had been thrown of balance and I didn’t know what to do. Finally I got up, did some laundry, took a shower, and went to tech, where I then preceded to tell people. I kept getting asked if I needed to go back to my dorm but I knew that the theatre and theatre people were the closest thing I had to family has that moment. This also caused me to rethink going home for the funeral. I didn’t want to miss dress rehearsals because I had made a commitment to people I cared about. I then realized after dinner when something that I was doing wasn’t working out too well that I need to go home. I realized while sitting outside in the rain for twenty minutes bawling my eyes out because I didn’t know what to do with myself and I didn’t know how to let people in on that. I was afraid to ask for help and I didn’t know where to go.
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